ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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