3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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