i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
