STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
