Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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