So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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