You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
