explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
