Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
