I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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