so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
