just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
