So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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