So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
