I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
