I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
