dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
