I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
