yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
