Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
