The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we're so committed to being not committed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
