Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
