Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
