Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
