It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
