by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
