have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
