good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
