shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
