If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Will you blow on my dice?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
