my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
