he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
