Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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