can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
