Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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