Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
