Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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