I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize