he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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