I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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