babies were throwing up all over the place
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
