I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
