I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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