omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
