Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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