i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
