I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Every concussion has its silver lining
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last night I used snow as a chaser
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
