She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize