True but thats because hes a fetus.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
