dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
