please come you make the beer taste better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
