i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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