There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
