OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
