apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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