she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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