I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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