Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
