smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
