I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
