I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
