She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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