dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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