If that was your dad, he is hot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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