my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
