just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
