I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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