worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
