Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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