Your face is a jimmy john
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
