My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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