The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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