I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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