i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was born a porn star she said
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
