LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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