did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
