I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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