We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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