we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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