I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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