I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
