Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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