dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BRING THE BAGELS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
