Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
