his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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