just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
