Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
