Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
