you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
