mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize