I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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