things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
