i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
