They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize