This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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