He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
